What Silver Linings Playbook Meant To Me!

Let me begin by saying this isn’t exactly a movie review. There have been plenty of those already. Everyone has had their opinion on Silver Linings Playbook. The truth is you either loved it or you were “meh” about the whole thing. You probably didn’t hate it, but maybe you didn’t quite get it? That’s probably because you are a well balanced person mentally. If that’s the case, this blog post isn’t meant for you. No, you’ll read this and walk away feeling about me the same way you felt about the movie or more likely, you’ll think me similar to one of the characters. Everyday I wonder which one I was more like and everyday I think it changes. The one thing I know however is that I’m not balanced mentally, I struggle every day with my mind and I will admit that to everyone. This is why Silver Linings Playbook was special to me. Below is what Silver Linings Playbook meant to me.

When you go through most of your teen-adult life experimenting with one depression medication after the other you fall into a type of numbness. You forget what happiness really is and start living in an emotionless world. You learn to be a great actress and put on the best show. You smile at all the right moments, you laugh at people’s jokes even though you probably weren’t listening, but you have sad down. You can always be sad with someone because it seems to be your head space. You try to avoid being upset because when you get upset you can spiral quickly out of control. It’s like a one way ticket to crazy town. I always felt that it was my chance to let all the pent up emotions out but it could really scare the people around me. The next day would be spent making apologies you really didn’t mean and starting back at numb and most likely with a new medication.

The worst part for me though was I started to forget how to bond with people, or maybe I stopped being able to bond with people. My close relationships started falling apart. My best friends from school were off at college and I saw them scarcely. I ended a long relationship with my fiance right before our wedding because I knew he deserved better than what I could give him. I loved him but he deserved better.

I changed after that, I went seeking a bond I wasn’t going to find. A wounded bird you might say. However it was my new normal. You didn’t have to love me, but you had to give me attention. I craved it, I lived for it.

This all sounds familiar right? A little bit of Pat and a little bit of Tiffany?

Most of you know the end of my story and things are certainly better now. But are they fixed? No. I still struggle daily. I’m numb a lot of times, I put on great acts and I get manic depressive. When I get excited about something you’ll all know because I’ll be shouting it from the rooftops. When I’m sad you might notice I don’t play on social media as much as usual. I’m probably hiding. But there are far more good days than before.

But this is what I believe to be true:

I think sometimes in this world we meet someone and we get to know them and that person puts our lives into perspective. And we realize, maybe we’ve made some wrong choices along the way. Maybe there are some better choices to be had. But now possibly we’re stuck so we’re a little bitter about that. And maybe the better choice isn’t what’s right here in front of us, but this person has made us realize how much better life could be and how much richer and different. And so now we’re a little upset with them for flipping our life upside down and making us do a double take at what we thought was going pretty well. And now, now we have to work our hardest, and if we do, if we stay positive, we have a shot at a Silver Lining.

So you tell me, do you believe that one day we could meet the very person who might be able to fix us? Do even the wounded birds of this world have a shot at a Silver Lining?