Jackie and the No Good Very Bad Dentist Day!
I have to admit even at my age the dentist can be a little scary. You are wide awake while they use those medieval tools of torture as you pray the shot administered 20 minutes ago does not wear off. I’ve been going to my small town dentist since I was a little kid, so when he said “you have a little decay, come on in so I can fix it, maybe 15 minutes, quick and easy.” I had no idea the ordeal I was about to endure.
“15 minutes, quick and easy”
Alright, I don’t have to cancel my appointment at the local research facility to do a paid taste test, by the time I get there it will have been over an hour and the Novocaine will have worn off. Or so I thought. 45 minutes and 3 shots later I left my dentist office with full on Bells Palsy. I should have known better than to attempt to keep my taste test appointment when the dental assistant asked me to rinse and I was unable to keep the water in my mouth. However, I think “it will be fine, I’ll just chew very slowly and be careful” half my mouth was working and I wasn’t about to lose out on $30.00.
No Soup For You
As they file us into the testing room and seat us at our computers we are told by the lady in the lab coat that there is “absolutely no talking allowed”, then she put my sample in front of me…Soup. How on earth am I going to test soup when I’m already holding half my mouth in my hand? “Take a bite of cracker and a sip of water and then begin the first taste sample” she announces. I slowly take a bite of cracker, here goes nothing.
I’m slurping my soup in one side of my mouth as it’s dribbling out the other side. I’m frantically trying to hold my lip shut, but it’s not as easy as you would think. I politely ask for another napkin and I can see how embarrassed the lab coat lady was for me. This makes me laugh, so now I have soup dribbling out the paralyzed half of my face as well as soup coming out my nose because I’m laughing at my own stupidity. I had to be shaking and heaving because everyone around me was staring at me.
The more I try to get a hold of myself the funnier the situation, the more I laugh the more I choke. It’s a quiet room, so while I am slowly killing myself on bad soup and Novocain I’m trying super hard to be quiet, causing me to try to hold in the laughter, and coughing (I’m water boarding myself at this point) so what happens? I farted. I’m only human! No judging! It is at this point I lose all dignity. I give up; I have nothing to lose so I announce to everyone in the room proudly that they should give me their earnings for the dinner and a show.
Moral of the Story
Ladies and Gentlemen check your calendar before making a dentist appointment. Take it from me, things might not go as planned.