Jeremy Renner Kiss, Marry, Kill
I’ve written many amusing stories over the years regarding my different celebrity crushes much like the Why Adam Why Pulitzer winner that still brings in thousands of viewers monthly. When you begin your entertainment writing career as a fan you walk in with a lot of preconceived notions and a lot of misconceptions about actors. You think they must be so much like their characters you’ve grown to love. But you quickly learn they are not. They are their own person with a skill to become every woman’s fantasy, which in their own reality can be a nightmare. The truth is you stop having favorites and you stop being a fan.
When it comes to Jeremy Renner however, something is different. Something about him runs deeper with me than just “that hot actor guy”. I haven’t felt this way about a celebrity in a long time. I love this man. I’ve seen every single thing he’s done and then watched it again. I’ve been a fan since 2002 when he did Dahmer because I love my weird serial killer movies. I’ve followed him ever since. Then he got huge and it was bitter sweet. I’m happy for him but I figured he’d probably change. Hollywood changes people. Either way though he’s my new Matt Damon. I feel he was actually put on this earth to make me smile. I need more of that in this life. But at the same time “boy’s got some issues”. Now I am going to offer up some pro and cons and you can decide “Jeremy Renner kiss, marry, kill.”
Jeremy Renner Pros and Cons
1. Jeremy constantly says he’s lonely in interviews. However he also says that “any woman would take a No 2. seat to my job”(1). Ladies, not sure about you but that doesn’t sound so great to me. If I’m going to be dating Jeremy Renner I want to know I’m his earth, moon and stars. Would you be able to handle coming in second place to Hawkeye and Aaron Cross?
2. Jeremy has had a serious girlfriend in the past. However when he was in the middle of his Oscar nod craziness for The Hurt Locker she was trying to get her acting career off the ground. This wasn’t working for him as he quotes “I was going through the Hurt Locker campaign and she’s like, ‘Where do I get headshots?’ ”(2). To me this says he wants a suitcase partner. Someone who can pack up and put their life on hold and follow him around with no strings attached. For some women this is a dream come true. Travel the world in luxury, be there for your famous boyfriend when he needs you and just chill out. But for some they’d miss their family and lose a sense of who they really are. How would this work for you, could you give up your identity for a celebrity romance?
3. Renner has a bit of a bad boy streak in him and at 40+ years old is that ever going to end? While it’s sexy in the movies is it sexy to have to worry about what story you might wake up to every time he’s on location? I can just hear my mother now. No amount of money and fame is gonna shut her up if my partner is humiliating the family in any way. Even if yesterday he was participating in mine clearing efforts in Afghanistan.
4. He has sisters. Okay I know a lot of people have sisters but I can barely get along with my one sister so add 2 more to the mix and I might just be out. Sisters are so much drama and Jeremy is the big brother figure in the family. I can’t even imagine what might go down if he brought home a serious girlfriend after becoming a huge celebrity. I’m guessing “gold digger” would be tossed out there at least once. Hey, maybe they are the sweetest women in the world and I’m praying for his sake they are. But the thought puts ice water in my veins.
5. He has a Bromance. You know, a boy best friend that seems to take up any of his extra time. Think Chandler and Joey of Friends fame or Abed and Troy from Community. These two own a business together that they put a lot of time into. Would you ever be able to come between him and Kristoffer Winters or would it just be yet another obstacle in his life you can’t push past?
A note for Jeremy Renner
*This story is written fully in jest or gimmick and I wish Jeremy Renner nothing but the very best in his personal life and career. I also didn’t win a Pulitzer. Really people.