Can You Find The Tree That Grew In A Squiggle Line?
The Meltdown
When I was staying in the Gran Melia Resort Puerto Rico this past week I was lying on the beach doing my best to relax when I heard the giggling of small children. It quickly turned into the whining of small children which makes parents heart rate rise, skin get a bit chilled because they know what happens next. The kids are going to start having tantrums due to boredom. Boredom can strike when you least expect and it is less fun for the adults than it is for the kids.
I turned around to see what was going to happen. How would the poor mother on the beach handle her children nearing a major meltdown? Would she distract them with toys, lose her cool and sink to their level, ignore them completely so we all had to suffer in the name of some ridiculous game of chicken no one would win? I had to know because of course I didn’t have my children with me. I was child free, nosy and now it was someone else’s turn to fail and I was eager to see how it would go down. I wasn’t prepared for what happened next.
There was no mom. These two little’s were alone with their daddy. Now, in the year 2015 we have come a long way but as a majority we still believe that inherently women are better with children. I can tell you that this is not true in my situation. And probably not in this situation.
Mom Guilt
I have a lot of guilt about not being the mother I thought I would be. I learned early into this parenting routine that I wasn’t a huge fan of kids. Patience never grew and I was never able to look at a child and feel that warmth spread through my chest. Do I love my own children? Of course I do, unconditionally. But I’ve adapted all of us to my recipe of parenting. This includes a cup of sarcasm, a tablespoon of irritation, a dash of disbelief and then you wrap it up in love.
Quick and easy ideas to keep Spencer and Jason busy and out of trouble were never obvious to me. As they were having tantrums on the floor I was frozen in terror, the stares of other mother’s burning holes in my back, trying to talk sense into them.
“If you knock this crap off right now I won’t take away your (insert favorite toy here) but if you keep this up you can kiss it goodbye. Seriously, people are staring. I don’t do staring. ”
It’s All About Adaptation
Finally though one day I realized we all have different abilities. There are things in this life we will learn we are good at, that maybe come naturally. And then there will be things where we will struggle. And through that struggle we can choose to give up or press on. When parenthood reared it’s ugly head as a definite struggle for me I couldn’t just give up so I did as I mentioned above and adapted the role into something that worked for me.
And things that we are inherently supposed to be good at have exceptions. I remind myself that although I’m not good with children and will never be the mother that will get down on Jason or Spencer’s level, that they still love me. They actually love me a lot and miss me when I am gone and want to cuddle me when I’m here. I’ve done a good job even if it isn’t the typical relationship we’ve come to expect from a mother.
Is This Father The Exception Or The Rule?
Now these little children who have grown bored with building castles were sending out a warning to their father. But he was prepared and swooped immediately into action. I witnessed an act of heroism I would never have been able to pull of. He pulled a children’s activity out of thin air. With just one simple sentence he started a game that turned the entire moment around.
“Can you find the tree that grew in a squiggle line?”
So I turned my head and I found the tree that grew in a squiggle line. And in doing so I reminded myself that we all have strengths and weaknesses. And I was once again able to find peace within myself.
Katie says
March 9, 2015 at 9:57 amAw Lee. Brutally honest is always your way. I feel you. We all have different strengths in parenting and it is nice to see people say “hey this is me”. Because your kids will grow up learning something from you that is special….my kids won’t learn that from me…
I am not a huggy lovey type of parent, but my husband is…However, my kids know they can come to me when they want serious answers, to serious questions. They run to him for fun and laughs….they run to me with their problems, their dreams, their “you know what this kid did in school!”.
I wouldn’t have been able to pull off what that dad did either. I would have done the same as you….stop it, people are staring, we are getting the heck out of dodge.
Avry says
March 9, 2015 at 10:54 amI think it is completely normal to have that guilt – I have it all the time also. We aren’t perfect nor will we ever be that being said I am sure you have strengths in areas that other mom’s don’t . No one could parent your own kids the way you can because of that motherly bond. I agree we all have different abilities 🙂
Joy Williams says
March 9, 2015 at 10:54 amI am not the playful parent. Never have been. Never will be. And my husband has waaay more patience than me. But I have my strengths too, just like you, that balance the scales of our parenting perfectly. It’s a harmonious balance that we walk daily together. But some days he is better at this parenting gig than me. I get it Lee! I do.
Cindy Schultz says
March 9, 2015 at 11:50 amWhat a great dad that mans seems to be. Sounds like something my husband would have done in a similar situation.
Wendy says
March 9, 2015 at 12:15 pmOMG, I so get this! I’m pretty good with my own kids- I’m exactly the Mom I want to be, with some momentary lapses, but other peoples whiney kids? Can’t stand them. When I’ve been BEGGED to be an Assistant Boy Scoutmaster, I’m all about NOPE, Don’t like other peoples kids when I can’t yell at them to shut up, when they’re being PITA’s.
And good for him with the squiggle!
erin says
March 9, 2015 at 12:30 pmEvery mom is different. We really can’t compare, just be the best that you can be.
lisa says
March 9, 2015 at 12:39 pmI constantly question my role as mother. Am I doing it right? Will my kids turn into successful adults? I just have to do my best and hope and pray I’m doing it right!
Jeannette says
March 9, 2015 at 3:37 pmMy mom has always said that if you don’t feel guilty, you must not care. I know that sounds weird but we all have mom guilt. I think we just do it the best we know how and love our kids as much as we can and hope it turns out right.
Lee says
March 9, 2015 at 4:16 pmThat actually sounds perfect.
Marybeth Hamilton says
March 9, 2015 at 5:22 pmWhether it’s parenting or something else, It’s the differences among us that make the world an interesting place to live. I also like what Penelope said about guilt. No one is perfect!
Crystal says
March 9, 2015 at 5:57 pmIt sounds like you ended up in just the right state of mind. We are the parents we are, and our kids are better off with us being ourselves.
Jennifer H says
March 9, 2015 at 8:59 pmNate is SO good at coming up with ideas like this….I am not good at distraction and pulling things out of thin air. I am grateful he has this ability. 🙂
Lee says
March 10, 2015 at 12:35 amNate is such a good Dad but he is also an educator. So I think he is also trained in those things.
Jennifer @ Mom Spotted says
March 9, 2015 at 10:53 pmSomeone is always going to do things better than us. We just have to do things the best we can and realize that our best is all we can give. All three of my boys are spaced out and all three have had different childhoods.
Sara Phillips says
March 10, 2015 at 10:24 am{HUG!} I am not the mother I thought I would be either. My husband is better with our kids than I am … and I am usually okay with that! I love that the dad on the beach turned things around with such a simple question.
Lynsey Jones says
March 10, 2015 at 11:56 amMike is like the King of Redirecting. It is not a skill I possess. he has the patience of a saint while I need a cocktail. However, *I* am crazy organized, pay attention to detail, and make sure shit gets DONE. Our strengths balance each other out.
Liz Mays says
March 10, 2015 at 12:27 pmI love that in that moment you were reassured again. I also love that the dad handled it!
Raijean S says
March 10, 2015 at 6:13 pmIt’s ok, we all have those moments. Don’t let it get you down just be the best you can be.
Marina says
March 12, 2015 at 10:15 amThat sounds like something my husband would do. I always think one parent will be the calm, more in control of the situation types!